Listening Longer

Listening is hard work, especially when we feel like we already know
the facts, know the excuses, know what the other will say. It is hard
work, too, when we are emotionally charged. Listening longer is a
matter of leaving whatever is going on in us, defensiveness, fear,
anger, etc and entering the content of the conversation without
judgment on our part. That kind of listening is deliberately choosing
to calm our emotions down, deliberately refusing to give expression to
our thoughts and even questioning our own thoughts. That kind of
listening is often done by questions but, again, those questions need
to be open ended. Questions can be disguised accusations or methods
of stating our perspective. Open ended questions have no assumed
answer. Open ended questions keep our minds and hearts responsive to
the information now at hand (new or restated information). Open ended
questions are attempts not to lead nor to box in another but simply to
understand what they see, feel, think, etc. Open ended questions
might be, "Help me understand what this was/ what you were thinking/
what you meant/ how you understood what I said." Open ended questions
must begin with an open heart which opens the mind for even an open
ended question, when it is laced with intonation that accuses,
challenges or pushes back is not open.